January 2012
Back to the hospital I go.
:(
so lost and confused right now.
I was all for giving recovery a go, but over the past few days I’ve just wanted to starve, I haven’t, but wanted to so badly. I want to be thin, I want to lose weight, not gain. im feeling really low again, I’m still on home pass but back into hospital tonight.
Okay, hello again.
It’s me, Nicola. I’m out of hospital for the weekend and I’m doing ok, I’m trying to give recovery a go, I think. Things are hard but I have the want to get better. I had to add an extra ‘-’ into my URL for reasons which I’ll explain later. I can’t spend much time online right now, and again I’ll explain later. I just wanted to update you all,...
Anonymous asked: Wait, are you not even outpatient at CAMHS?
Anonymous asked: don't you think it's kind of selfish of you to want to kill yourself? i mean what about your sister, your parents, friends?
going inpatient for the weekend.
to keep me safe. not for an eating disorder, because of suicide risk.
how much of a failure must I be that it’s not even because of my ed. that’s a factor. but it’s because of my mood.
Anonymous asked: Is that bad to want to be deadly skinny ? Like.. Invisible and thin ? I really wish I could stop eating. I think i'm mindly fucked up.
Anonymous asked: How old is your sister, if I may ask? I wish I had someone like her to keep me from killing myself.
helpless-searching-souls asked: I'm in a similar boat in the sense of, I either have to willingly go inpatient what is never going to happen or they'll section me. I'm terrified, I don't want to gain weight. My thoughts are with you m'dear. I: ♥
I’ve to go see someone at CAMHS. and if my parents aren’t happy with what he says they’ve to take me to a&e. Also, my mum read my tumblr.
Anonymous asked: maybe right now you can't afford not to.
I can't go inpatient.
they’ll make me fat. they’ll make me even more disgusting. my birthday is in a month, who knows how long I’d be in there for, my aunt is due her baby in a month. I can’t be away from my little sister. I’m praying the don’t put me in.
Anonymous asked: What do you like most about your personality and aboit your appearance?
Anonymous asked: I hope everything turns out fine. You are one beautiful soul pretty girl.
also my mum came on my iPad and seen my tumblr.
I have a doctors appointment in and hour and a...
my parents made it. I could be going inpatient. fucking hell. I can’t breathe. I’m so scared.
Anonymous asked: Looking at the picture you recently posted in your cardigan (which is so cute btw!), compared to some earlier pictures of yourself, you look a lot skinnier. I want you to be happy with the way you look, just don't starve yourself into oblivion :[
Anonymous asked: Help. I've begun to cut myself on the arm, I can't seem to stop. Every week I'm weighed in underwear on the hospital, and I can't let them see my cuts. Normally I cut on my foot. I don't know what to do.
Anonymous asked: I can't cry either. I'm screaming inside, I'm crying so much inside, but it's like I'm a zoombie. An anorexic monster. I can't cry, only starve.
When I was little, I never pictured myself living...
lifelongdream93:
I can’t even cry anymore. How did I become so numb?
I am crying so much inside, but I can’t get the tears out.
Anonymous asked: you look dangerously ill to me. I hope you get better soon. x
an-thropophagy asked: I think people should lay off the one anon that said you didn't look sick. Maybe that wasn't the most appropriate thing to say at this point but I think they are honestly just trying to pay you a compliment. Some people don't understand that weight related comments (whether positive or negative) should probably just be a voided all together.
Anonymous asked: how long do you wait until you purge
thehealthymind asked: sorry this is random lol, but do you purge? And do you go to school?
Anonymous asked: Don't listen to that anon, you look very sick, why can't your family or friends see that? It's so sad
Anonymous asked: you want someone to save you? how about that little girl you take photos with all the time? think about how it would destroy her little heart if you died.
Anonymous asked: Are most guys afraid of breaking you? I'd be afraid to hug you. I mean, I would hug you anyway, but you are just so tiny, love.
fera-puer asked: 17, probably because you look tall. definitely underweight, and not denying that you have an eating disorder, but you don't *look* sick, not to me.
Anonymous asked: Have you ever made yourself throw up? If so, how did you do it..?
Anonymous asked: Please dont take this the wrong way. But, what keeps you from actually commiting suicide? The thought of your family? Friends? Or is it that inner will to live? Or perhaps you dont have the tools to do it properly? :\ please dont think im telling you to do it. I just want to know what is most important in your heart..
Anonymous asked: You're not a failure, you're very sick.
Anonymous asked: i honestly don't think you look sick at all, it's really hard for me to believe that your bmi is a 15.