Emaciated Soul.

Back to the hospital I go.

:(

so lost and confused right now.

I was all for giving recovery a go, but over the past few days I’ve just wanted to starve, I haven’t, but wanted to so badly. I want to be thin, I want to lose weight, not gain. im feeling really low again, I’m still on home pass but back into hospital tonight.

Okay, hello again.

It’s me, Nicola. I’m out of hospital for the weekend and I’m doing ok, I’m trying to give recovery a go, I think. Things are hard but I have the want to get better. I had to add an extra ‘-’ into my URL for reasons which I’ll explain later. I can’t spend much time online right now, and again I’ll explain later. I just wanted to update you all, and I hope you are all well xoxoxo

Anonymous asked: Wait, are you not even outpatient at CAMHS?

yeah I am..

Anonymous asked: don't you think it's kind of selfish of you to want to kill yourself? i mean what about your sister, your parents, friends?

that’s the reason I’m still alive

going inpatient for the weekend.

to keep me safe. not for an eating disorder, because of suicide risk.

how much of a failure must I be that it’s not even because of my ed. that’s a factor. but it’s because of my mood.

Anonymous asked: Is that bad to want to be deadly skinny ? Like.. Invisible and thin ? I really wish I could stop eating. I think i'm mindly fucked up.

it’s not bad, it’s just not ‘normal’. but I feel the same.

Anonymous asked: How old is your sister, if I may ask? I wish I had someone like her to keep me from killing myself.

5.

90mirrors-deactivated20120327 asked: I'm in a similar boat in the sense of, I either have to willingly go inpatient what is never going to happen or they'll section me. I'm terrified, I don't want to gain weight. My thoughts are with you m'dear. I: ♥

yeah. thats why I’m going along to these appointments today because if I don’t the end outcome wont be helped any.

I’ve to go see someone at CAMHS. and if my parents aren’t happy with what he says they’ve to take me to a&e. Also, my mum read my tumblr.

Anonymous asked: maybe right now you can't afford not to.

:(